Little Black Riding Hood

Author: Gavril Marius-Gabriel
Characters:
1)Little Black Riding Hood (Black) - Marius Gavril
2)The Big Bad Wolf (BBW) - Ionut Mateescu / Lucian Cucos
3)Granny - Dan Apavaloaie
4)Robin Neighbourhood (Robin) - Cosmin Chauciuc
5)Don Bearoni (DB) - Dan Apavaloaie
6)Jimmy - Nicu / Bogdan Tibu
7)Cameraman - Eddy Marcovici
8)Narrator - Radu Luchian
Number of scenes: 7
Starting date: ————–
Finishing date: 25.03.2004

ACT I
SCENE 01

Narrator : ” Once upon a time, when some kids decided to put on a play and when all schools were closed, lived Little Black Riding Hood. She was a sweet, young girl with…”
Black : ”Enough already with the description! Jesus, they never get enough do they?!?”
(Black walks jolly through the forest, when all of a sudden)
Black : ” Hey!?!…Wait a minute!…What if I run into BBW? What will I do? Will this be the end of me?”
Narrator :” Pssst…Listen…You didn’t hear this from me,… but… I heard Don Bearoni offers good protection, for less payment.”
Black :” Yeaaaah… Good ideea, man… thanks.”
(Black heads towards Don Bearoni. But, unexpectedly, she stops; looking at the public and smilling, luckily a cameraman comes slaping her on the backhead, and saying…)
Cameraman :” What am I paying you for?… GET BACK TO WORK!”
Narrator :” Black continues walking through the forest,… when all of a sudden,… she trips.”
(Black falls down hard, after which she gets up arranging her skirt, and goes to Don Bearoni)

SCENE 02

(As Black enters, Jimmy reaches in his pocket for a gun)
DB :” It’s OK; she’s with me!”
Black :” I need some protection on my way to Granny’s!”
DB :” I would like to ask you from where have you heard of my services!”
Black :” OK OK… Fine… from the Narrator!”
DB :” I’ll deal with him later; Jimmy!”
(Jimmy handes him a contract…)
DB :” But wait… aren’t you under age?”
Black :” Who?… Me?… Naaaaa!”
DB :” Good. Now sign here… and here… and here… and here… and that’s all.”
Black :” So, who’s being assigned to protect me?”
DB :” Robin Neighbourhood. The best of my best boys… He’s a pro!”
Black :” And where can I fiind him?”
DB :” Right now, he’s in a concert in Germany… He’s also a part time job rap singer… But don’t worry, he’ll fiind you!”

SCENE 03

Narrator :” OK, OK!…Let’s continue, shall we?…This guy…I mean…aaa…girl…was carelessly walking through the forest, when suddenly… ”
BBW :” Hey, baby! You look good tonight !”
Narrator :” Big Bad Wolf appeared!!!”
Black :” You idiot! It’s still day time!”
BBW :” Oh, yeah!…It’s because I’m wearing my sunglasses!…Enough about me, let’s talk about you!…Sooo what’s in the bag?”
Black :” Nothing! Just some sweets, for my Granny!(whispering she replies) She’s diabetic, you know !?! But what do you care?…”
BBW :” Hmmm… I see… Please, carry on… anyway… I heard you’re single… and… I was wondering…you know!…you and I…together…Come on! What do you have to lose?”
Black :” Get lost you crazy freak! I’m worning you… I have a first degree certificate in CAE”
BBW :” So what!? I studied English at Cambridge! Ha!
(Black walks around in circles for a bit, after which she has a brainstorm)
Black :” You think you’re such a tough guy, huh? You’re nothing…So stand back!…I’m a professional expert in Martial Arts! Ya!…Ha!…Uah!…Hia!…Uah!”
(Here she does all these stunts. Later, after getting bored of watching Black, BBW shows her his biceps and sais:)
BBW :” Oh, yeah!? What do you think of this…?…”
(Black is about to pass out, and BBW runs around her with a chair so she doesn’t fall down. Finaly Black „lands” on the chair)
BBW :” Oh, my god! Is she dead?… What should I do with her now?…Well, there’s only one thing left for me to do… (pulls aut of his pocket a knife and fork) LUNCH TIME!!!”

SCENE 04

Narrator :” Oh my God!…Is he really going to eat her? …When does this story end?…What time is it?…I’m tired!…But wait…what do I see over there (points out in the wrong direction)… Aaa…Sorry…Over there!…Is it a bird?…Is it a plane?…No!…It’s…It’s…It’s…a POTATO!… No, wait a minute, it’s just robin Neighbourhood…!…I said:<>”
Robin :” Yo,yo, yo! Wassaap!?…Robin’s in the house! Oooooo!…Let me hear you scream!…auuu!…Thank you! Thank you very much,… thank you for carring! (ELVIS stye)
Narrator :” Enough already!…Can’t you see he’s trying to eat her?”
Robin :” Oops, my bad!…Stop right there, you!…”
BBW :” Who, me?”
Robin :” Dhaaa, of course you…What, you think I’m talking to that tree?…”
BBW :” What did I do?”
Robin:” I don’t know. Let’s check the script!”
(They both go and check the script, after which they return to the same positions, continuing the conversation)

SCENE 05

Robin :” You were going to eat Little Black Riding Hood!”
BBW :” I was definitely not!”
Robin :” Yes you were!”
BBW :” I was not!”
Robin :” Yes you were!”
BBW :” Was not!”
Robin :” Was to!”
BBW :” Was not!”
Robin :” Was to!”
BBW :” Was not!” ~ETC
(The two continue arguing, in the same time making funny faces to each other, until Robin gets BBW to confess and Granny comes in, awaken due to the noise)

SCENE 06

BBW :” Was not!”
Robin :” Was to!”
BBW :” Was not!”
Robin :” Was not!”
BBW :” Was to!”(quickly shuting his mouth, realising the mistake he had made)
Robin :” AHA!”
Granny :” Hey, hey, hey! What’s with all this noise? What’s your problem? What’s wrong with you two? Can’t an old woman get some rest nowadays? Now play nice, OK?!”
Robin :” Mrs. Riding Hood! Mrs. Riding Hood! This wolf here tried to eat Little Black!”
Granny :” Did he succeed?”
Robin : “No! Luckily, I was in the neighbourhood and jumped in to save her!”
(Black starts waking up, moving a bit. First a leg, then an arm… )
Narrator :” Suddenly Little Black Riding Hood recovers.”
(Where Black stands up instantly…)
Black :” Granny! Granny! Help! Help!”
Granny :” Is that true mister << Big Bad Wolf >>?”
BBW :” Yeah, it’s true! But he didn’t want to save her, he only wanted to eat her by himself!”

SCENE 07

Granny :” So, mister Neighbourhood, you were trying to save her, huh…?!”(pulls aut a gun from Black’s purse)
Robin :” No, please! Don’t hurt me! Don’t shoot me!
Please! I’ll be good! I promise!”
Granny :” Those promises don’t work on me! Die…Both of you! Die, die!…Go to hell!!!” (Granny shoots and screams out of control… )
Black :” Granny, chill out… they’re dead!”
Granny :” I know this deary… But I felt the force!!!” (She shoots them both; these falling to the ground, I mean on the chair, only after finishing their death’s scene, which would take a long time, they will crawl and twist and complain of their pain)
Granny( to Black ) :” Come, my child! Let’s go play a game of pocker or something!”(but, as she turnes round for a bit, she shoots another round of bullets, saying…)” Eat lead suckers!”
Narrator :” AND THEY LIVED HAPPYLY EVER AFTER!”
(After Granny and Black leave the building, the two, BBW & Robin, realise that they’re not dead and that Granny fired with blank bullets)
BBW (Shaking Robin) :” Hey! Wake up, dam it! Come on, wake up, you’re not dead!”
(Robin wakes up and starts looking everywhere and laughing foolishly realising he’s not dead)
Robin :” I’m… not… dead! I’m alive… alive… alive! I… am…alive! Yes! Ha-ha-haa! I’m ALIVE! ALIVE!
BBW :”CALM…DOWN!!!”(Slaping his face)
Robin :” Ouch! That hurt! Thanks… I needed that!
BBW :” Come with me and I’ll give you eternal life!”
Robin :” Say what?!”
BBW :” Oh, sorry! I got carried away! Come with me and let’s eat Little Black Riding Hood and her Granny!”
(The two leave to eat Granny and Black and take the Narrator along with them, just in case they might want a snack. On the way… )

The end

Try, try, try again, until you succeed - Anonymous